The long awaited break

With a sip of tea, I try to imagine the excitement of being on my own once again. Well, I've always been but with terms & conditions based on situations. Among all those daring acts so far, would count this trip as one along, I smile. Am not able to plan things in advance, which in turn makes things more adventurous..beyond the capacity of mind's imaginations!

               The long awaited break.. yes, it was. Probably a long wait, coz it cost two-years planning with no outcome. Couldn't believe it happening until my journey began. Trip could have been called off at any moment and I had no back up plan except to waste the days off with despair.

              Keeping in mind the evil incident that took place in Delhi and the public protests leading to unpredictable situations, no doubt that fear creep in the heart beyond own will. But mind was set, risk had to be taken or else I could kiss my struggling fate and sit at one place trying to be safe. Btw, the World didn't end unfortunately hence, it was well understood that I have many more years to live.. not to forget, at will. One can only live the present on own terms coz past can't repeat and future is unpredictable as well as unknown. At least, things never occurred as presumed in my case, no clue how is it for others.

                    Awesome winter, friends, movie, mall, Kingdom of dreams, shopping, paratha, Vat 69.. couldn't be any better! A perfect break.

puzzles of life - mind buzz - mind goes empty :-/

I keep thinking.. "non-stop"

Logics pop up in mind.. "random"

Imaginations keep flowing.. "unlimited"

Wish I could have just shut the door of my mind. Or could have put a "full stop" at any point of time to stop the thought process.

Desires of mine.. "unknown"

Wishes from the heart..  "confusing"

Focus of the eyes.. "directionless"

Things that I want or desire for, seems confusing to me at times making no sense.. b'coz the very nature of human beings are completely unpredictable. How can I be sure that a person won't change his/her mind or heart in future? It's too much to be true - words kept.. as was promised, behavior to remain d same though the years, life goes on.. as planned. Gives me a weird feeling remembering the fact that "Nothing is permanent"!

To always think negative.. "pessimism"

Being positive and to hope for the best.. "optimist"

To analyze-judge a situation based on prior experience & instinct.. "constructive thinking"

At times, it's good to be fooled by circumstances coz 'conscience' is the last thing one can avoid even if he/she's able to avoid the whole world. Being a pessimist, only lets one to be conscious about the worst situation.. although it depends on the individual as to what extent the negative thoughts hover the mind. The way I look at things, same experience shouldn't happen.. and trust me, rarely, good experiences get repeated :)

Left on one's own.. "alone"

Being on own by choice.. "independent"

A preference of leading or being lead.. "is upto YOU"

Fate does not always act on it's own. Instead, the course of action one takes and decisions that are taken leads to situations which arise and thus the outcome.. of your own "karma".

wishlist :p :( :D

I wish ........ and the list begins..!!

             

Probably, it was from childhood.. I remember wishing for things to happen, things to have, things to be.. reality however, shows a different scenario altogether. How I wish..everything that I had desired for, would have come true! 

One thing which has never let me disappointed, is my imagination and day-dreaming. Yes, "day-dreaming".. and I still do it :) As a teen, always enjoyed it. Being in a different level, a world of my own, the way I wanted everything..places, people, their words, actions and my actions accordingly :P  Places where I wanted to be, dresses that I wanted to try, things that I wanted to feel - call it eating ice or getting drenched in rain..completely and yet continue to be in rain!! To walk in those roads filled with leaves in the season of Autumn..to watch rain through window glass, to lay on the terrace and watch the sky..full of stars throughout the night; collect shells on beaches, take a vacation to Ireland, long walks on windy evenings....... Can somebody make my wishes come true! Just somebody, who can sustain to listen to my darkest secrets, know my fears, crazy views, have silly arguments, take me in shelter to console and comfort through unpredictable problems.. Well, in all these years, that somebody has always been in my imaginations, never did in the real life have I met that 'somebody' and I wonder if 'somebody' would just merely remain to be in my imaginations for this lifetime..

The wishlist has become countless by now if I have to start counting from those of my childhood till date. Hmm..yet the list is never-ending and am glad about it // 32 teeth open-smile :D // Ofcourse, priorities of wishes have changed over the years like dolls, ink pen, lacy frocks, crayons, water colors, colorful ribbons, bangles, nail paints, places to travel, watches, long hair, foot wears..duh!!! List goes on and on..well, these are part of being materialistic.

Coming to feelings and emotions.... well, it would be a hit-list :P heartbreaks, silly crushes, emotional drama // well, not me ;) // cries, laughter, arguments, cold wars // hehehehee // list goes on and on again!! Yet, heart craves for the 'one', eyes search the 'face', ears eagerly waiting to listen the 'words'. The wait seems longer now with age.. running by at a train-speed and people around getting married // blush blush, such an odd feeling // I still want to enjoy my 'single hood' for a while, miss those college days and friends who have gone apart with time <3 <3 

To my quick observation.. my wishlist has narrowed down to an extent lately // to be specific about groom-search.. ohh!! did I blurt it out, yeah..guess so. But, it's still in d thought process // So, was saying that the more I focus on the things I would wish in my 'prince charming' // not sure about the World, but to me, he would definitely be my prince // the least I feel that there are guys who would completely fulfill the whole criteria as per my wishlist. And somehow.. I've got the feeling that my so called 'wishlist' has slowly started converting into a 'checklist'!! // should I be happy about it? well, being a practical kind, somehow am not // Nevertheless, mom says.. "birth, death and marriage is all about fate" ;)               

Does it mean, I should just sit idle to wait and watch what my 'fate' gets me in? Even, in Bhagwat Geeta, it's mentioned that human should do what they are supposed to, rest follows accordingly :) Such a wise thought ;) :D 

Take a walk with me..

Take a walk with me.. on those lovely mornings of Autumn,

On those roads filled with fallen flowers spreading the fragrance 

 for every passer-by, thus, causing a distraction!

Come with me, on those hill tops to watch the Sunrise,

Those silent nights with the sky filled with countless stars..

Oh! Such are nature's creation;

Take a walk along with me.. on those roads and markets crowded with people - 

wherein, looking at the crowd, may not mean much..

But, looking at you, might mean the whole World!

 Come and dance with me..

in the rain and feel the drizzle;

Those enumerous droplets pouring & splashing on the face, the sky with a hazy view.

Take a walk with me.. on those beaches for miles together

and lose trail on the way back, who'ld bother!

Humm with me those old songs with silly emotions attached..

Take a walk along on those windy evenings,

when hair-locks form a veil on the face

and eyes seem to catch every reaction and heartbeats to embrace!

Expectations

"Expections" is just another word found in "human dictionary".. yet, applicable "frequently/extensively" on a day-to-day basis. Each one of us expects or is expected of something.  Question is - "which expectations are practical enough to be worked upon in our life?" 

Won't say dat i've seen much of life..well, not yet. I might have to spend my entire life to know and talk about "life" as such //it's amazing dat a four-letters word can't be understood in even 40 years probably//. But, as of now, till this moment & till this age, whatever i've seen, one thing is for sure.. Expectations are born naturally for humans - can be from close ones, friends, family circle and can even be from strangers //dat might be little vague, but happens, will leave it to my audience to think upon :) // Well, atleast i try pouring out my thoughts & possibly emotions in these posts //am glad if some1 reads it, dis way i get to share things with ppl known/unkown (without my knowledge). B'coz sharing my thoughts haven't helped letting known-ppl much..close frenz hv gone apart n rest r used to knowing my whereabouts n hv nuthin much to do but listen... atleast i'hv got ppl who wud listen to me! LOL!!

Am being expected a LOT..dat's wht it seems to me.. A LOT! It was one of my early realization dat kiping everybody happy simultaneously isn't easy & while trying to do so, i wud alwaz be accused of failing on one or d other's expectations. So, best possible way out of dis is "try being helpful & supportive to others..yet, kip urself aloof..so close, yet so far" - chances of hurting others or being hurt gets minimized :) trust me! But, even while trying to minimize other's expectations..life does take mind-confusing turns & time does wheel itself  putting oneself in such situations wherein own-conscience starts asking about what's right & what's wrong..whether to abide by other's expectations or to fulfill self-expectations..whether to leave behind those who has been the sole reason of our very existance & move on or to supress own desire-likings thus taking life as it comes..! Waayyyy tooooo confusing!!!!! Hmm, i do believe in one thing for sure..if i don't have answers for certain things rite nw n am not able to figure out the solution, will wait...until TIME helps me getting to a conclusion or a solution :)

Someone reading this post so far..mite be wondering dat all am saying n complaining is about "others' expectations from me", what about my expectations from others?? well, to clarify, am not complaining about being expected - rather happy dat am being looked upto in such a way..however, it's not an easy task..emotions is all attached with expectations & chances r quite high dat someone's heart mite be broken & ppl mite b hurt which can be beyond repair/mend. Coming to my own expectations - i try to be realistic & practical as far as possible trying to analyse if ppl r capable to fulfilling my expectations..rather, i try to kip myself aloof so dat i don't expect much or jus nothing, dis way if am nt being happy..well, am nt hurt either :) I DO have expectations from myself & the benchmark is so high dat it doesn't matter if others r cuming upto my expectations or to what extent they r able to..on the contrary, i shud be able to come upto my self-expectations set by me. It's a small world of my own..within the big world n few major human worlds comprising of family/frenz/society.
 

                                                                                                            Dedicated to Eli..

                                                                                                            Cheers!!

Random thoughts buzzing my mind when d world seems buzzing altogether!!!!

A man's action reflects on his dignity, while a woman's nature speaks about her character! 

It's not difficult to understand and judge someone..just that there is no timeline as to how long would it take to reach that stage of "known". 

Fact that disappointment comes more often from close ones than strangers, makes me wonder how high our expectations builds over the time which ultimately leads to more of sadness than being happy. It's human nature to remain unsatisfied "forever"!

Wish i could start life afresh.. probably, i would have "planned & designed" each activities. But, can't control everything!!! at certain level, things are always "unpredictable". i guess, it's better to leave things the way it would happen, or else, where's the fun?? 

People around us are always ready to judge on our actions & words.. How many are there to be in our shoes, to understand the exact mindset of ours Or our heartaches to relate the respective actions?? Well well, don't get surprised if the count is "zero"!!

Guys whose eyes act as "real scanners" & gals whose eyes "intrigue & causes curiosity" are highly annoying. I find it more of social disturbance! Yet, the most expressive part of human are their "eyes". 

Darwin's theory of "Survival of the fittest" holds good everywhere nowadays!! i don't understand why so much of competition is needed?!! Am just happy with myself & probably with you. Why can't you live the life similarly??// dat's quite thoughtful //

More thoughts to be jotted down!! Awaited!

Phase when i call it a "Metamorphosis" - In human context

Well well, even a school kid knows the terminology of "Metamorphosis" - It's a biological term defining a transformation cycle of a butterfly/moth into a caterpillar. But the context that i am refering to is humane & more of a literal day-to-day changes than just a physiological cycle, to add on - this cycle keeps repeating for humans.
                                 Ok! i won't drag it anymore, am refering to the "work" phase of a person. One takes so much effort to get a job, does job-hunt, goes through interview rounds along with those terrible feelings of anxiety which keeps creeping every now & then. Finally gets a job, works for a time period to start with learning, implementation & execution //didn't want to elaborate since the reader can easily relate to his/her own experience :) // Unlike Government jobs, private sector jobs are more prone to attrition & people aspire to grow faster & high up the ladder which seems to be at a real slow pace in a govt. job // to keep aside the comfort zone & certain lifelong benefits which one enjoys working in public sector // So, closing the loop that everytime a person takes up a job, works for a certain duration & then changes thus taking up another job - it's a cycle which keeps repeating & no one else but the employees working in MNCs can better relate to these phase. You must be thinking as to why am i describing all these when everyone knows the so-called routine stuff? Well, i've a good news!! guess what??? the smart ones would have guessed it by now :p 
                                 The chain majorly comprises of  " Getting a job - Job tenure - New job" . What am focussing on is a small phase called "Notice period" which starts from the moment employee informs the Boss about quitting & is officially accepted until last working day in the present organization. This particular phase can be a crucial one as in, some might be impatient to complete the service period b'coz the excitement of joining a new organization is definitely cool!! To me, my notice period was no different than my usual work :) not sure which logic to apply - fact that i am a workaholic? or boss ensuring the worth of every penny coming in my salary :p whatever, to me it was a significant period of observation.. of what?? Well, seeing my colleagues everyday & supressing the feeling of joy that i got a new job; even if it was at the tip-of-mouth but i couldn't share about it; being into conversations where people were planning for get-togethers, parties or B'day celebrations & all i could do is to stare at the much-known faces & smile but within feel a pang of sadness reminding to ownself that i would be missing everything! Not necessary all these to happen to everybody but Yes, it's happening to me & not to deny the credit going to the work culture & bonding that people shared in this organization. Every morning that i would have started my work would remind me that am serving notice period but guess, i really like my job hence, being lost into my tasks wasn't a suprise to me. Feared & counted the very day when i had to break the news, not knowing the kind of reactions to receive - that of surprise or a shock, a good news or that of disappointment or simply being happy for what is happening. I kept imagining the possible outcomes & how could i handle the situation & it wasn't until the last week of my notice period that i brought about the announcement, atleast my colleagues deserved that much & i was conviced! The work environment
does vary in a small organization than the bigger ones & so does the extent of office politics, fake flatters, unwanted rumours bla bla..
                                           Am glad that i hardly had to go through such things. Time passed by soon enough //there were times when it was necessary to mingle, adjust, understand the psychology of the person, maintain a professional yet a cordial relation, to be ardent & demanding at times but ensuring that work flow is smooth simultaneously; finally not the least - my job profile!! Now that am just a day left to complete my notice period, i AM enjoying my last day but somewhere in my heart sadness resides.. Yet again, i hope for such afew happy moments.

With loads of <3 to those nice people & best wishes in their future endeavours!! Someday, somewhere & somehow..I'll see you guys AGAIN!!  :) :) Well, i'll try meeting up whenever possible :)

A glimpse of memories

Time again to write..
This time it's about the memories embedded in my heart, for those are bright;
Rarely had i shared them, for they're worth emotionally valued
& thus remembered, a feeling with a deep sigh - To elude!


A glimpse of memories..
Those that had brought a smile across my face:
Even while walking across a street, amidst of crowd
or in the middle of a night, cherished memories are such to embrace.

“My 1^st chain with a locket, a Birthday present – the only thing ever desired as a teen

Holding my contentment is when i turned to my mother with an instant grin.”

“The moment when I stepped out of my hometown, with a naive excitement in those eyes..
With a curiosity to know the unknown, an effort to survive, grow & rise
It was hard to believe that fate favored me & so did my eyes improvise!”

"The 1st date is when i was given a sunflower, caught me offguard
 or rather, cold-feet or a mere embarrasment, to be fought hard!"

"Those windy nights on hostel terrace - when heart was willing to rebel
 against the protection-cum-prison & mind racing across future opportunities."

"Time when my heart felt heavier with grief & regret to the core..
a feeling of being sliced slowly with marked pangs for a lifetime to wore."

"The 1st time when i was selected for a job interview - had to pinch twice, myself
to believe the reality - my mind faced a momentary shock, itself."

"Those idiotic, dramatic & euphoric moments shared with roomies:
 Minor tantrums on being angry, to act silly when low,
 those cranky demands on being sick & running to them eachtime heart broke,
throughout the night wimping & crying like babies!"

"Gifts that i chose eachtime to present those who're close
analysing what would suit the respective being, to endorse."

It's just the age of teens that have gone-by,
Rendering sweet & bitter experiences with lessons thus taught-by.
The fluorescence of youth has already begun - to be lavished
A phase yet to pass with brilliant outlook at life & ideas nourished;

Many more memories are to be beaded along with time,
those which are forthcoming, each one valuable as a dime
Though, it's a mystery that events don't occur the very moment we wish
Or maybe reasons hidden in depths of time, awaiting good things to happen & flourish!!

I was always urs, but u were mine until..

Have u ever wondered, how often do i think about u?
To what extent would have i missed being away from u
even in midst of what i was going through..?
Moments & all those memories - kept my emotions alive,
breaking a smile each time i remembered;
Seemed difficult to foresee a future without u, to thrive!
I was happy.. with shine in my eyes & heart filled with songs
Dreamt of watching stars together at countless nights,
wished getting old alongwith, to be in rights & wrongs.
I was always urs..

Then a day comes when u eavesdrop ur confused state of mind
about insecurities & unplanned future.. but i try being an optimist;
U express the unsurity of a future together,
I shook my head again & sustained the optimacy.
U avoid me politely from time to time, yet i ignore!
With time, distance increase & communication gap peeks in slowly.
Then, Patience breaks it's limit - the Dam holding back
enumerous doubts, pours the flow of countless questions:
Only to find the immense silence for an answer..
Dreams shatter, hopes crash & with soundless cracks, the heart breaks!
Only with outbreaks of tears - at midnights, in dreams
Crushing me inside - out, missing u after waking up from sleep.

I was always urs, but u were mine until..
the moment u distanced urself.
I called u mine until i broke down to tears;
U were mine until..
u broke free urself from me;
I try recalling those small instances & weep..
I won't complain nor frame
'Cause for me, it wasn't just a game!!

                             I'll erase every memory that i've of u.
I'll cut out every vein that's deeply-rooted with ur thoughts.
I'll make it "the sunshine of the spotless mind"
except for ur existence would be erased!
Would i still be able to avoid thinking about u?
Had u imagined to spend the rest of ur life with me?
Or had it never touched ur heart to have the desire
To form a bonding for a lifetime;
It's difficult to resist & restrain the mind
when love becomes part of life just as breathing!
Feels like the heart being ripped off every now & then.

No two minds are same..
Is that the reason for a gap of understanding & blame?
Or my expectations were way beyond reality..
making it feel like a binding & lame!
Time heals every wound; I wonder how long would it
take until the heart stops missing u.
Well, It's all past now & present looks hopeless
with bitter outlook & emotions senseless!
I was always urs, but u were mine until..

Reality / The Realistic view

WE might be living our day-to-day life which gradually turn into months & then to years. It becomes illusionary at times what the human mind forms it's views about things starting from his closest surrounding to his farthest reach including rest of the mankind who are involved/part of the individual, either directly or indirectly.Though ideally, it's assumed that we are living a real life which is different from reel life, however even real life has it's own theatrics. Those actions of assumptions, communication-gap often leading to mis-interpretations, misunderstandings, judgement from other's as well as individual's own-perceptions & reactions adds on to the melo-dramatic effects to our life & so well ofcourse.. in a way that, WE get carried away so much that it becomes confusing & complicated to cut through Reality or The Realistic View!

                                  For e.g. How well do i know you? depends basically on how much you would have revealed urself to me & vice-versa. Funny part is - It's human nature to hide things, smaller to a larger extent OR let me rephrase it - at times it doesn't seem important to mention about certain things; who cares & why should i.. afterall it's my own damn personal life!  The complexity begins here itself :)

                                 The higher the level of reformity & civilization of mankind has moved up, the extent of complicacy has just increased it's foldings.. Now, living a "simple man's life" with a simple mindset is just not possible, even if someone tries, he would be odd one out in the society //afterall, we're social beings - remember// There is always "this Fake thing" revolving, or call it "pretention". What is the necessity to pretend at the 1st place? To pretend that you're happy, to despise someone from heart or be jealous yet pass a fake smile, to speak with honour infront & bitch around at the back, to speak of trust & loyalty but actions speak otherwise; Most common thing is - To lie, it has become just part of life & it doesnt even take a 2nd thought to lie, so long it's not found out; well atleast it has now become a normal part of life. People try to be friendly & supportive - wait until you get into some trouble & just look at your back & side - seems like mankind has turned to be rare species to find. "Truth is always harsh" just becoz one likes the deception & gets used to how things seem-to-be rather than accepting the bitter & ugly truth! and how well do people cope-up //thanks to the survival/adjustment nature of human but only till their motives are well served// Men are selfish by nature, not much can be done about that. It's you whom you love the most, isn't it..? So, you keep doing things until something backfires, you get disappointed, hurt & thus stop there, just like - to change from an on-going path, taking a differnt path altogether. And the Best part - when it comes to understanding.. //i can't just avoid a smile across my face//  To understand exactly what?? somebody's silence, limited words, when every convincing word of urs turns out to be a big fat lie, u step back & curb urself just because u were hurt with some harsh words or arrogance, thus ready to even jeopardize a strong & healthy relation?? cummon.. grow up..!!! u can't hold on to momentary words & part urself from the one u care so deeply; well, that ofcourse depends on the emotional levels of varied people - some are strong while some are vulnerable, some are practical enough to asses the real life, rest gets carried away..

                As a matter of fact, It's not easy or that simple to have beneficiaries (can be of any kind) in this present era.. atleast not without any personal/selfish motive. But if you do, u're just lucky then! The realistic view is quite disappointing if the overall & broad perspection just narrows down to the simple & basic logic & events. At times, to put aside this so-called Reality seems to be more wise. It's all the good & nice things that we like, which is so part of our very human nature!!!

Wish I could

Wish i could keep the flower of happiness always blooming
Turn every dreams of mine into reality & living.
Wish i could turn back the wheel of time
To claim back my rightful dime.
Wish i could stop being alone - to let you be yourself:
'cause long before you realize, I shall be gone!
Wish i could change back life into a white plain sheet
Re-paint it all again with better chosen colors & yet neat.
Wish i could sail a fleet of my desires
To an uknown place, where things are fresh & new:
Life seems to be simple & fair,
even with it's complicated terms & profound view.
Wish i could make a peace with my head & heart
drawing a line between mind's thirst & heart's crave!
Wish i could put memories, embeded to my soul
buried into the mind's deepest grave;
Wish i could be able to seek adventures
with life's utmost risks leading to tricky trips
Wish i could smile again freely with random thoughts
'cause now, even smile thinks twice to touch my lips;
Wish i could blow my birthday candles & wish
to live once again those wonderful years
which now seems like a glimpse of memories to banish!!

An unforgettable walk..

With twenty rupees & few coins in hand, i searched once again.. this time every inch & corner of my bag where my fingers could reach out; but, alas there were no more coins. With a disappointed look, i turned away from the Pre-paid auto booth service outside Forum mall & thought, 'Will take a walk!'

                                    Will take a walk? what on earth was i thinking..or was i even thinking? the only thought running through my mind with 'sirens' was that I had to reach home & it was already late; to make it worse, it started drizzling! For a quick second, I tried to recall the 'lot of friends' of mine, if incase any of them could just drop me home, but even that didn't seem to be possible. 'Lot of friends'? that was an irony because the so called 'lot' was no more than what I could count on my fingers.
                                     With a broadend & scrutinizing gaze at the crowd & the moving traffic on the road, I was somehow confident that with a mild bravery I can 'walk' back to home; after all it's a city & nothing can dare to happen so long I keep walking on the main street.. how convincing! The drizzling started getting heavier & I paced my walk faster passing by the people on the road; some waiting for buses & some for auto rickshaw & a quick flash of disappointment passed over me : Why? because there were no direct buses & not enough bucks for the auto fare. For a split-second, the economic value of a boyfriend's existence crossed my mind. But since it wasn't going to happen instantly at that particular moment, the thought of it was pointless; walking seemed to be the best option available. The road map in my head didn't seem to be difficult to achieve as the streets that I was supposed to take was well-versed; all I had to do was - Just walk. Well, the anticipation of 30-45 minutes walkable distance turned out to be 5-6 Km distance! Realized it once I started walking; Cars, bikes & those few auto rickshaws passed by like jets but, splashing mud water. My confidence level shrinked to half by the time I walked a mile and a half on a drizzling night post 9.30 pm; streets were deserted & the crowd which was visible till then seemed to disappear in a click!
                                       The weather was chilled..with droplets of rain pouring over my hood, those doubtful stares from people passing by in vehicles & shopkeepers who were there closing down their stores & me - sweating yet tried hard not to show my panics. For a moment, I wished of having wings or, probably like in Harry Potter if i could just 'Disapparate'!! My legs were already tired & fatigued, couldn't just feel them anymore but only a numbness along with a fear as to 'What if I fall & can't get up to continue walking any further? would I be spending the entire night on street & how am I supposed to hide myself from anybody's view?' With all those fears on my mind, I kept walking.. Wasn't sure whether taking a lift from somebody be useful or harmful. I checked my watch & it ticked 10:20 pm & all I was able to cover a distance of 2 Km passing Tilak Nagar by then. I broke down to tears but tried hiding it soon enough. My goal was unattainable & the maximum I could do was to reach Jayanagar Main bus station from where I could avail a bus till JP Nagar, although it wouldn't take me to my house street but once am in the area, I knew I could manage, at least.. I had that remaining confidence surfaced back (I smiled). My adrenaline rush was at it's peak point, all set & ready to help myself reach the bus station. I could feel nothing but only the silence of that night, damp weather with a chilled temperature, wet street with the lights on & for a moment it felt like I could hear my own heartbeats!! I passed the closed stores & those houses which were filled now with it's inhabitants making it alive once again; instantly reminded of my family. Thought about my friends who were probably having their dinner & nobody had a clue as to where I was. With my mind filled with enumerous thoughts, my feet subconsciously led me to the direction towards the bus station.
            I was now able to see a small crowd of 5-6 people of which only one of them was a lady, probably she was traveling with her husband; I stood there along with other passengers counting every ticks of the watch, felt a short wave of relief to be amidst of the passengers with awaiting glances at each of those buses passing by. It didn't take long to spot the bus number on the board tagged in front of the Bus - 2A, my confidence level boosted up. Since, the roads were empty it hardly took the bus 10 minutes to reach the nearest bus stop to my area. Now, I just had another 15 minutes walkable distance to my room, my legs were relaxed now & it was easy to pick up the speed again. The only fear that I had was not from humankind but from Dogs!! the population ratio on the streets at night  in our area were usually the other way round. The drizzling became mild by then & cold wind blew giving goosebumps. The only sound that I could listen to was those of branches  & rustling leaves with faint voices of the 2-3 people who were on or across the other side of the road. My destination seemed to be finally visible; with a deep sigh, I took a turn across the road to my house street, took a minute-long glance at my building with lights of few rooms still seen  with audible loud chats & laughter; made me feel 'alive'. Who could imagine that I just had the most scariest night of my life! That night I slept peacefully, like to never wake up again. It's been five and a half years now & yet to think about that particular night, every minute details of those 3 hours are still so fresh & live. It's one of the unspoken & unshared instances of those terrific & ecstatic adventures of mine.
                                                                                                                                      Cheers!!

Never say 'Never'

Most common & used often,
matchable frequency of every human!
Plays a role in day-today life
a pessimistic word world-wide.
Words of wisdom probably ever:
Never say 'Never'!

Never to give up hope
nor bend to situations & meekly cope!
One decides own fate
life can be extreme or moderate.
We laugh, we cry
All experiences are worth a try.

How Ironical.. to get drawn to things 
which one decides to repeat "Never"
Yet, one mustn't get disheartened
nor hesitate to step forward;
It's a circle of life, continuing forever..
:)  Never say 'Never'!
                                                    
                                                                                                            

Broken heart!

To mend the old deep cuts
it builds a new hope.
And each time, there's a hope,
comes along a relationship's rope!
      Like a child, it tries to reach out
      the sunshine of happiness;
      Only to find another illusion
      calling upon sadness!
The innocense & immense faith
guides to surpass the difficulty..
Only to realize, faith which led so far
was blind, naive & crazzy!
       Not a forte of it's
       to judge people by nature;
       But surrenders as a mere puppet
       to love, affection & care.
Deception, pain & sorrow..
can't be told but expressed;
Through silent eyes pouring
fall of tears in a row!
       Like a mirror, once cracked
       never regains the same.
       With countless bluffs & hurts
       who's to blame?
Still hopes for True love
in midst of liars, deceivers, predators;
Playing it's own role & part..
It's just a Broken Heart!!
   

Perfection

The smile on a child's face
the laughter of joy..
The Unstoppable ageing of human life,
proving Beauty as a decoy!
The first rain of the monsoon
smell of wet mud & a cloudy afternoon.
A woman's feature, the mighty sky
or call it the endless time that flies by.
Sun-set & Sea breeze..
With a full moon night & constellations;
reminds one to relax & breathe.

The effort, all it takes; to do things at best
A perception, from mind to heart that takes a rest!
An effort, a talent & a desire
to turn things even more better!
You think am an Imperfect;
while i consider myself "I-m-perfect"!
It's the perfection that we look for..
yet, ever realize that 'nothing is perfect'.
Only in the natural form where it lies;
The Unchanged, unaltered or indestructible..
i call it "The Perfect"
'cause Perfection is a mere Idea of mind,
that forms, varies & dies..!

Beyond the perimeter

As a child i always wondered what lied beyond the fences surrounding our house. Once i knew the answer, the focus of my curiosity turned towards our locality, town, gradually to the cities & then country? A perimeter can thus be referred literally. In virtual sense, it's like a border line which if crossed causes the end of one thing & leads to something different. It's even more interesting to realize that on being related, the perimeter can be described for different things..

Perimeter of one's comfort zone, relationship, reasoning ability, trust, patience, knowledge, words, etc. The question is "What lies beyond the perimeter?" what is to happen likely when one moves out of his/her comfort zone? are relationships always meant to have limitations, restrictions, expectations & what if all of these are crossed/broken? when we trust someone, if the trust breaks once or twice we try to ignore but hope within that things won't repeat so, what results when one finds out that his/her trust & the faith kept breaking? does the perimeter gets crossed shattering trust completely? what about the words spoken, is there a perimeter beyond which, certain words are left unspoken? A person mingles mostly at ease with like-minded people, does he/she ever try to take an effort to mingle & hang around with others of diversified mindset?

Those several limitations that are created by us, thoughts & views which are governed by tradition or society, bindings of relations, insecurity, blind trust, uncertainty of decisions, trendy mindset & beliefs.. should be crossed to find out "what lies beyond the perimeter".

I still ponder & smile over the fact that my curiosities have no dead end!!

Mind games!

Not the puzzles, not any test; Nor quizes & neither any sudokus. Am not referring to those mind games that are played literally to improve human IQ but those, which are played in our day-to-day life for personal reasons & accomplishments.
                                       Human by nature get carried away with emotions, thinking & assuming events- occurrences to happen on basis of individual perception. Little do we know, that in any scenario or in a given circumstance, we can predict only about ourselves as we become the constant factor. The next person & the situation - favorable/adverse, both are variables hence tend to vary; which is just the outcome of the least expected. So, by the time one realise what situation he/she is in & try to analyse with logic, thus finds out that he/she just got played into a mindgame.
                                                                      Almost every human knows this game, probably right from childhood - for those who are smart & influential enough to make an effect on the minds of others, such people become aware of the capability of mindgames & knows the tricks by an early age. Mind games can be played with fellow mates, elders, peers, so long the next person trusts & believes blindly. Well, may be thats the reason why, the most common quote, "love is blind" is accepted widely! We love our close ones; call it friends or family so we trust them easily without a smallest doubt/question about their nature, perception or actions towards our ownselves. Only, when the mind games turn foul & ugly, does it cost the value & worth of a relationship.
                                               And what about others apart from friends & family, people whom we meet everyday- classmates, neighbours, peers, colleagues, the boss? The probability of being played is more when someone knows us better than what we know of him/her. I bet, everyone gets played to an extent atleast before they understand the tricks. Common examples & controversial topics ever had been like "we can still be friends even if things didn't work between us as lovers", to this i would say, How can you possibly stand being close to the person you loved so deeply & madly that even breathing becomes difficult? and yet you can be a good friend just b'cause you have known this person long enough & there would absolutely be no emotions except that of pure friendship? One can either stop consoling him/herself that though the relationship didn't work out for what-so-ever reason so they can atleast be in touch or accept that one still hasn't got over him/her.
                                                                                                 Mind games are not merely played on each other but can be played on ownselves as well. The fact is quite true that "Man should control his mind or it controls him" Not only others who can play mind games on you; Your own mind can play the same on you at times. It's not completely in our control to stop the mind from working but yes, one can always try not to let it wander. Given a chance, mind can imagine, create, frame & even led things happen which might not be at someone's best interest.                 
                                             Well, have i played mind games on people? or was i being played? I would say 'yes' to the latter. To the former, i wouldn't agree completely but to certainextent my actions either caused curiosities or led others view things in different angles & thereby had taken respective course of action. The outcome needn't be a cause to any personal accomplishments of mine. After all, today or tomorrow, sooner or later "You'ld get what you deserve"!

Would you be my Love?

The softness in your voice
the intensity of your eyes;
A smile to fall for
with a noble heart "The Metaphor"
Everytime i look at You
my heart throbs & skips a beat!
And every step of your's towards me
makes my knees go weak.
If i tell, my heart longs for you day & night..
with eyes searching for, just a glimpse!
Would you be my love?

I have seen many
and many that passed by..
But it's you with whom the World looks different
dreams that turn enumerous, wild & bizarre.
What if, i share the Darkness in my heart,
the doubts in mind, act mean & show callous nature of mine
Would you be there by my side?
To wipe those hidden tears
and hold when i'm in need the most.
To know that you're the most precious asset of mine,
Would you be my love?

Looks often deceive!
It's the veil that covers uglyness of the heart
and that of honesty & true beauty inside;
Only a wise would know how to judge
whether it's love or lust that reside.
But how does it matter if 'love begets love'?
Wish i could explain the depth & madness of my emotions!
Therefore,would you take a chance to find love?
To get it, even if you have to pay a price
and find out where your heart truly lies.
Would you be my Love?

The World's a stage

"All the world's a stage,
And all the men and women merely players" - a famous quote by Shakespeare!
                                 Do you see the world the same way? Forget, the whole world.. just think of the people around - friends, family, peers & those whom we come across. Well, I try to be at his/her shoes & see things through their eyes..it's interesting what i see. Different people with different mindsets, perceptions, thoughts, views, actions, varied ways of communication. Each individual acts & reacts in a specific way - that makes the individual's personality & things like basic triats or typical nature can't be changed, no matter how much one adapts or gets matured with time & age. I call it "Beauty of Nature" and admire the same. Consider yourself as the centre point & view the surrounding things - probably, you can relate to what am trying to say.
                                  When i look around, i find it more like a Drama Act, wherein few participates & are expected to play their respective roles. Likewise, there are several drama acts that happen all around us; surprisingly, not in all do we get involved except the few ones. Some people are melodramatic, some are funny, people like me are serious & there are those who do not mind to live their lives without much self-expression. Thus, each one of us act & react respectively. Strange that no two people think & speak the same; there might be similarities, that's when we call it "like-minded". Yet, it can never be exactly the same.
                                   At times, my head starts buzzing when i observe everything so minutely. There are times when i even shut my brain towards certain events & occurances because to someone a particular incident might be intriguing, certain words might be inflicting, people might sound amazing & interesting while to me it might not be fascinating enough to catch my attention. How i wish if i could control or stop certain events from occurrance but alas! i find myself being just a mere audience & nothing more. Therefore, i still continue to watch, observe & wonder the possible logic & reasoning behind. According to me, it's good for those who are self-focused; they only see & bother about themselves & those who exist in their life. I wonder how many are out there who considers themselves as the audience to observe, analyse & give their thoughts & views on being asked.

I fall..

I fall..
into one dream to another,
from one puzzle to the other!
Responsibilities & pressure..
Did i open a life's treasure?
Hope, faith & love,
each takes a turn & again i fall..
 Yet, the mysteries & secrets of life,
tempts me to move on.
Head rules the heart,
eyes blaze with desires..
Mistakes are part of life
& life itself is a strive;
 It's a learning series taking it's toll..
So, to rise again, I shall fall.