Reality, has turned into a dream itself

No longer sure of the actions taken..
Nor the decisions that were made..
Is it the daydreaming that has taken a toll??
Cause, it's difficult to trace the reasons behind the occurrence of events.

Path to achieve the goal is no more visible..
Where I stand 'today' doesn't lead to 'tomorrow'.
Imagination is absolute blank and empty utmost,
Is it the daydreaming or the reality that has turned frost!

How did I miss analyzing the things so dear to me?
Or was it the blind trust of thee
Perhaps, was a clash of utter pessimism against foolish optimist
That lead no where but both to loose and exist. 

The combination of being foolish yet confident
A smart one yet a core pessimist
Wise to remain silent but wrong words, otherwise.
Is it a daydream or the reality, which has turned into a dream, itself.

A few more miles to walk upon...

At a glance of the endless road
which lies ahead of me
With all those miles traveled,
have keenly observed the twisted turns
small stops & those rubble trouble ways
yet, the path once walked upon cannot be re-traced.
I see no landmark nor any destination
It's a few more miles to walk upon..

I’ve walked down the road so far
Watched the road blockages & complained secretly!
Did taste the utmost pain & pinch of blame throughout
Still, look forward to the unseen route.
It's not the mist nor the mirage
that has blinded my vision.
But a constant travel of lifetime
A few more miles to walk upon..

Time has no limits with fate uncertain
Yet, the journey gives hope & unexpected gain.
It's a quest which is never quenched
Gives one hope & free will abounded.
I look at the vast sky & upon the endless road
With short stops but nothing harrowed!
Life is full of surprises with small happiness to live on;
It’s a few more miles to walk upon..

My feet hurts & tiredness conduit
The journey has abraded me but not the pursuit;
Desire & curiosity goes hand in hand
such intense to cause man crazy, memory banned!
A faint light often peaks through
assuring the heart to wish & woo;
Eyes seek abode with peace anon
A few more miles to walk upon..

Shikaayat si thi kahi...

Khamiyaan toh maine kabhi nikali nahi thi,
Wajah jo ki maine dhundi nahi thi kabhi..
Dekha gaya un nazaro se mujhe,
tatola gaya poori duniya ke saath;
 Par poocha nahi gaya ke main chahti kya thi?
Sochu main ke aysa bhi kya ki,
jo kadar kabhi wajood ka mera huya nahi!

Dil toh toota..aur toota kayi baar,
Ab toh aankhen bhi nam hone se rahi.
Ya toh achchi cheez kabhi nahi hoti 
ya phir achchai ka zamana raha nahi.

Main insaan.. seekhu apne galatiyon se,
dekhu apne nazaron se -
Kaun kya hain, kiski kitni pohuch,
Ja-chu apne hosh aur takaze se;
Zara dekhu main bhi toh,
Umar ki is safar ke badhaayen angeenat kadamo se!
Shikaayat si thi kahi...

A bit of an experience!!

Although a reality.. Yet, seems like a vague dream!
It's an old, yet prominent memory
of the day we met for the first time.
Was it an odd time, an unprepared introduction 
or an unexpected situation.. 

I smile at the slightest remembrance of the excitement
with butterflies in my stomach!
Was I happy at the first glance of yours?
Well, I did become fond of you over the span of time.
But, I do remember having tears shed for no crime
:) was naive, now I realize..

Won't deny the fact that my heart was filled with emotions endless
It was with the flow of time, series of occurrences that eventually took place;
I was swept off my feet in lieu.
Seemed like a dream and then dreams within the dream
:) innocence of the heart, i would rather say..

Threw me down at the bottomless pit on one fine day,
to feel shattered, battered, repent, disappointed!
Those soundless howls and cries of the naive heart
even with multiple cracks within, 
Indeed, it was a brave start.. to move on 
because life is all about experiences, to go on!

Now, time is different 
and we those who parted our ways,
things changed, so did the people and the phase;
With layers of time waves, all those memories now blurred
Yet, I wonder how life would have, otherwise turned..

Yun toh..

Yun toh dil ki baat likhi nahi jati hain...
main puchu: agar aysa hain.. toh, batao kaha ya kaise bayaan karoon ?
Yun toh zubaan se lavz sahi samay pe nikalte nahi hain...
main sochu: sahi samay kab aata hain!
Yun toh dil v har kisi pe nahi aata hain.....
main bolu: zamana ab kuch aur hi kehta hain;

Kaash k waqt theher jata kahi,
kahi jaha.. chayn k do saanse li jati..
Aankhen bandh ho.. aur dhadkane sun-li jati
Ab to jati rahi masoom woh khwahishey...
duniya badi zaleem hain, ya toh.. berukh tumhare dard se!
main manoo: zindagi k kayi pehlu, yeh v unhi mein se ek hain!!

I look back...only to turn around with a doubtful mind

I look back in the past to analyze the present and be prepared for the future. Events from the past which had lessons to learn from and present which can still be controlled decides the course of events for the unknown future - the path gets built accordingly. Good memories, bad memories, moments those to be cherished and the awful span of time with ever worst experience... yet mind remembers each & every detail of the time passed by. If not for long but those figments of memories always remain.

When I look back..only to turn around from the way I walked upon, with a doubtful mind is what makes me wonder as  to how many people deliberately bring upon destruction to oneself. How many knows the possible hindered consequence and yet takes the risk for so called game spirit? It's not easy to risk ones life just to find out if the "self-prediction" comes true or to defy the same. Because, it's the very person who has things at stake - to either win OR loose!

Actions taken, words spoken, faith shattered, heart broken, nightmares passed, laughter with tears thrust, a smile which had cost enumerous tears yet worth a lot to heart. When I dwell into the past, I wonder about the mixed emotions with confused head & heart torn within self - whether emotions have higher value than the logical mind, which analyses everything minutely waking up the conscience to have doubts/questions to seek for.

When I look back..I doubt of being too selfish to run after the momentary happiness even if it could cost sadness in the long run. Or, was I kind enough to let my heart rule over the head by being happy even though the head called the self as a fool. You see, If head ruled, I'ld have been careful and cautious from any external factors ensuring peace of mind and emotions safe. If heart ruled, it was a risk taken and an adventure sought to face anything and everything, after all that's what the heart wants to find out - the unknown.. the unseen.. the existence! Of course, risks has it's own consequence - good or bad, you and you alone have to take it all.

At times, mind doubts on the decisions made - was it wise enough upon looking at the outcome. Yet, never had to regret about anything. It's life.. how would you call it as living a life when your actions are always pre-decided with predicted outcomes. Does it feel lively, when you always try to play safe and protect your thoughts and emotions from the external world? Well, my existence matters on what I choose to be, how I want to lead rest of my life and who do I want to become - a shadow of someone else or myself.